Best Chuck Norris Jokes

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He may be turning 75 today, but we bet he can still kick your ass…

To celebrate his birthday, we’ve scouted the internet for the best jokes about the martial arts expert, kick-ass fighter and general hero that is Chuck Norris.

Enjoy…

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but they changed it because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that’s why there’s no signs of life there.

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Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open. So he took it back the next day for a refund.

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Chuck Norris actually died 20 years ago, death just hasn’t had the courage to tell him yet.

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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

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If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”

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Chuck Norris uses a stunt double during crying scenes.

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Some magicians can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone

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Chuck Norris once urinated in a truck’s fuel tank as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

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Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

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Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand… While he’s sitting on it…

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When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off

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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

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Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.
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Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

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When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

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Chuck Norris once made a Happy Meal cry.

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When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he made lemonade, a 9 inch hunting knife, an AK-47, and a playpen for his pet scorpion.

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Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies…………… As The Force.

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Females have XX chromosomes. Males have XY chromosones. Chuck Norris has YY, because he is twice the man compared to any normal man.

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